January 22, 2018

Stepparents Roles

Stepparents RolesThere is no doubt that stepparenting is parenting on steriods. Stepparents not only must learn parenting skills but stepparents roles and skills. It could be compared to learning how to parent and then add skills to parent a special needs child. It is not an easy path. But with some information and adaptability it can be achieved with success.

Here is one mom’s astitute take on her experience as a step-mom.

 Stepparents Roles

 I do know a bit about what it means to be both a mom and a step-mom. It’s different in both situations. I do all the parenting things for my girls that I do for my boys. I do them, knowing that I don’t really have to do them. After all, they have a mother, and a father. I do these things, knowing that I will probably get taken for granted because they have a “real mother.” As a step-mom, I get a lot of the responsibilities of mothering with few of the “goodies.” The girls can be wonderful and loving, but they have a loyalty to their mom. I get that. I am not their mother, but I am more than their dad’s wife.

If it seems like I treat my step-daughters differently than I treat my boys, it’s probably because I do. The difference in the way I treat them does not make me an evil step-mom. I love the girls, but it wasn’t instantaneous. My love for them grew from the place that came with loving their father. Even though I love them, and I believe they have come to love me, there is a bit of a boundary between me and the girls. The boundary that is created by the natural loyalty they have for their mom. While I am not the source of the split in their parents’ marriage, I am the constant reminder that their parents will never re-marry. Read full story.

One of the biggest hurdles in stepparents roles is discipline. Here is Dr. Phil’s counsel on this.

1. It’s my strong belief that unless you as the stepparent are added to the family when the children are very young, it will most likely be very difficult for you to discipline your spouse’s children. Every situation is different, but in most situations, disciplining your nonbiological children is fraught with danger, since it’s likely to create resentment on the part of your spouse. Again, this isn’t always the case, and if that’s not the circumstance in your family, that’s great, because it can give the biological parent an additional resource for handling discipline issues. While I don’t believe it’s very likely a workable situation for a stepparent to be a direct disciplinarian, it’s extremely important that the stepparent be an active supporter of the biological parent’s disciplinary efforts. Click here for the rest of the tips.

This YouTube video offers a biological mom’s responsibility in facilitating a healthy relationship between her children and the stepparent.

Stepparents roles are not unattainable, just take some work and definitely include conversation with your spouse (preferably before the marriage) on what you both expect in these roles. Please comment below if you have any jewels to leave that can support others in their stepparenting journey.

About the author: By

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Parenting Allies website.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

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