February 24, 2018

Out of Control Kids: Is this Normal?

One of the questions every parent asks when their children become teens (and start acting like teens) is “is this normal teen behavior or are they out of control kids?” So the best place to start to answer this question would be to determine a basic list of “normal” behaviors.


  • Acting moody and secretive
  • Spending a lot their time alone in their bedroom.
  • Easily frustrated, short-tempered, impatient (esp. with parents)
  • Door slamming and stomping up/down stairs
  • Separating from family activities
  • Saying things that seem mean like “Only my friends know what I mean. I hate you. I can’t wait until I can move out!”
  • Seem unsatisfied and restless.

Though you may not like to hear these unkind and seemingly uncivil things, it is one of the normal ways teens separate from their parents to become their own person. The following are the “not so normal” list.

“Not So Normal”

  • Any kind of physical or verbal abuse, including threats or intimidation, to others
  • Abusing younger children including siblings
  • Any lawbreaking activities, including getting arrested
  • Coming home drunk or high on drugs
  • Staying out all night

This is definitely not okay behavior and the sooner you tell your teen this out of control behavior is not acceptable the better off your life and theirs will be. Letting them continue this behavior will have dire consequences as adults.

But just telling them is not the solution. The issue here is their problem solving capabilities. They don’t know how to make friends or communicate in a way that gets their needs met, so they use drugs and alcohol and inappropriate behavior to meet their needs instead. Once you recognize this, you are able to equip them with the tools they need to be able to handle life and growing up in a positive, healthy way.

So what are tools out of control kids need and how do you teach them?  Check out The Total Transformation to give you many great tips. It’s one of the best child behavior programs I’ve ever seen – it worked for our family, I’m sure it can work for yours!

About the author: By

Matt is the parent (along with his wife Julie) to five wonderful kids. He has been self-employed for 25+ years and is the owner of the Parenting Allies website.

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  1. Melanie Crawford says:

    Sometimes parents do make mistakes in thinking that their teens are only acting normally as they act defiantly towards everyone. Little do they know that by not doing anything about it, their out of control kids might just be experiencing some kind of behavioral disorder. Symptoms of ADHD/ADD in teens usually includes extreme defiance and learning problems. It is best to really observe your teens, as much as possible ask help from professionals to help you with understanding your teens. I find this article informative too – http://www.add-adhd-teen-help.com/add-adhd/is-your-teen-suffering-adhd-or-are-they-just-plain-naughty.html
    Thanks for the share!

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