January 22, 2018

Is Total Transformation a Scam?

Many people who are looking for help with parenting ask “Is Total Transformation a Scam?” I can understand this question because of the fact that if you search the web, you’ll find negative reviews as well as positive ones, and some of them say that the Total Transformation program is a scam. I can also understand why people would be asking this question – nobody wants to throw away money on something that doesn’t work.

Here’s my opinion on whether Total Transformation by James Lehman is a scam.

(Click here to see a sample of the type of training you’ll find on the CD’s and DVD’s in the Total Transformation Program. You actually can click on each CD or DVD to preview that  lesson. Especially take a look at the Jump Start DVD. See if you think this is the kind of information you’d get if this program was a scam.)

Total Transformation is designed to help you change as a parent in the way you parent your children. It gives you skills that you didn’t have before to help your child learn to problem solve, therefore keeping them from acting out in anger, violence, and disobedience. James Lehman, the creator of Total Transformation, says that the main reason kids act out is that they don’t have problem solving skills. Total Transformation is designed to show parents how to give their kids those skills.

Some of these techniques are foreign to parents – after all, if they knew them they wouldn’t have out-of-control, defiant kids. Since they are new skills, it will take the parents a while to learn how to use them, and the kids might react negatively at first. It’s a learning process, and it’s definitely not a silver bullet, where everything is going to be fixed immediately.

I think that what happens sometimes (not always, of course) is that parents try a couple of the ideas, but don’t become consistent with them, and they don’t see a big change right away. After all, it took the kids a long time to get to the point where they are, they’re not going to learn and embrace the problem solving skills right away. Plus, what they’re doing is working for them – they’re kind of in control of the household, right? So they’re not going to go quietly into that good night.

I also think that some parents expect a “magic solution” to their parenting problems, and that just doesn’t exist. The Total Transformation is a program that gives you many, many techniques, tools, and skills to help you be a better parent, and to help you teach your kids to problem solve so they can grow up to be healthy adults. It’s not a quick fix, and since it’s not there are people that consider that a scam.

Now, go read my Total Transformation review and get an idea of what worked (and continues to work) for me. Then, browse around this site and get a feel for the kind of tips you’re going to get from the program. You can also see hundreds of reviews from people that actually have used Total Transformation by clicking here. After you feel confident that the Total Transformation is not a scam, click here to learn more about the program itself.

By the way, James Lehman feels so confident in the Total Transformation program, that he gives you a chance to get  it free. Just order the program and  complete and return the enclosed Feedback Survey.  You can be the judge of whether Total Transformation is a scam or not. One thing I can tell you for sure – don’t buy the Total Transformation if you aren’t open to changing your parenting style, and willing to put in some effort. It’s not going to work – I can guarantee that!

About the author: By

Matt is the parent (along with his wife Julie) to five wonderful kids. He has been self-employed for 25+ years and is the owner of the Parenting Allies website.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...


  1. Amanda Jackson says:

    I find this all quite humorous and very backward. Society is once again excusing childrens’ behavior saying that “parents dont have the skills they need”, instead of saying that the media and even some churches sell that “kids will be kids” and “if you spank your kids, they will hate you”. NO, NO, NO! This is our problem. We are excusing unacceptable behavior as just “kids being kids”. This is the way God designed the system to work: Parents are over children, NOT the other way around. My Mother is a Mother of 6 kids. Every last one of us respects her as she is intended to be respected. We Love her and we would do anything for her. Not one of us has been in jail. Why? Not because she had the “necessary skills”, but because she demonstrated her authority the way that God meant for it to be demonstrated. She spanked us, she didnt negotiate with us! She took her rightful place in the home. She corrected us in Love, but did not excuse our fit throwing, screaming, and talking back and make no mistake about it, we all knew exactly what we were doing. We understood why it was wrong, and we knew why we did it. She did talk to us, but after the discipline was administered and because of all of that, we hold our Mother in the highest esteem-moreso than children who are “negotiated and reasoned with”.

    Thank you,
    Amanda Jackson

    • @Amanda Jackson:
      You have no idea what you are talking about. If you would actually listen to what James Lehman has to say, you might change your opinion and not spout off about something you don’t know about.
      I spanked my child and corrected him from the time he was a small child, but it didn’t seem to help. The more I punished, the worse he became. By the time he was 11, he was out-of-control. We NEVER negotiated with him. We ordered the Total Transformation and have used it since then. We have referred many other parents to it as well.
      He is now 16 and thanks to the Total Transformation and other helpful people he is a much better kid. Hard working and respectful. We still do not negotiate with him, but using the TT techniqes, he is much easier to discipline.
      Not all people are the same, so you can’t put all kids in the same box. We have a daughter who is just fine and we haven’t had any problems (beyond normal) with. Our son just takes a different type of parenting.

      I agree that many parents do negotiate with their little brats and wonder why they don’t behave. But before you paint a broad stroke about parents who use TT, maybe check out the program first.

      • @JR, your problem is that while disciplining, you didn’t also teach the kid why what they did was wrong, and what the right was, or how to solve the problem. You see, problem solving is unrelated to a child throwing a tantrum. Nice try on this guy trying to claim/suggest that kids act out because they don’t have problem solving skills. I’ve got news for him, defiance starts at an early age and unless children know where the buck stops and the dad and mom starts, they will run over you for life. AS THEY GET OLDER, it becomes increasingly important to have them examine ways to overcome their problems – but it is critical for them to START by learning what authority means. Period.

        • It seems as if you are really on the same page as he is. Problem solving starts with establishment of authority. Then moves on with coping skills and then on to hands on problem solving techniques. Not sure I would assume that JR didn’t do these things. You are right as they get older, it is important to have these in place. And don’t they give us plenty of chances to train them in such techniques!

    • @Amanda Jackson: Way to go Amanda. That is the true about today’s kids.

    • Stephanie El Maadawy says:

      @Amanda Jackson: I agree, having authority over your children is the right way to parent. However, some children will rebel because they are strong-willed, so this program may help in those situations.

    • Bruce Baldwin says:

      @Amanda Jackson: Your criticism of the TTF system is based on your false belief that dominance and physical threats are an effective way to control or motivate human behavior. Prisons are full of people who were raised like this and still have to be beaten into submission and physically restrained as adults in order to keep them under control. If that is the model parents use for disciplining children it risks establishing a pattern of life-long violence and involuntary control that will prepare children to do well in prison. In order for children to grow up and function in society they have to learn to voluntarily control their behavior as the right thing to do in their own minds and not because someone is threatening them with a beating or a spanking. Therefore it’s most effective to control behavior through instilling values and teaching correct conflict resolution and problem solving rather than through violence which is much more likely to simply teach violence than it is to teach the proper way to solve conflicts and problems between people. You may think it was the threat of violence that worked on you but I’ll bet if you think about it the examples your mother gave you in dealing with life’s problems were what really taught you how to behave in spite of the spanking. Using violence on children always risks teaching them to use violence to solve their problems as opposed to proper reasoning, manners, ethics, and socially acceptable behavior.

      • allwaysseeking says:

        I bet you have no children. My family has used spanking for many generations and not one of the children born and raised in my family has gone to prision, they became teachers, priest, bankers, labors, and all manner of contributor to society, you spare the rod you spoil the child.
        How many of the children who were spared the rod ended up killing there teachers, and fellow classmates? We have become a nation of people who will not take responsbility of raising our own children and want someone, anyone, else to do it for us. I do not believe in the mindless violence towards children: rape, beating, verbal abuse, ect… but I have spanked my children and will spank my grandchildren if they misbehave I am a mother and grandmother not there friend I will always love them and protect them with my very life but parents should be parents. I am sure there will be many out there is cyberland that will disagree with me and that is how it should be.

        • You have absolutely NO right to beat/”spank” a grandchild. Get help for your obvious anger issues. You need it.

          • speak out says:

            Pattysboi, I disagree with your comment on the No right comment. If we parents do not have rights, who does? Some children do not respond to talking. They want what they want & that’s it. You can reason with them till you are blue & still. In an ideal word, they would all listen, but that’s very much wiseful thinking. I’m sure all those that spank have tried to tall first. An smack on the hand or a spanking does the trick. They will listen & realize that there are consequences beyon just go to their room or no TV for a week. Allwaysseeking is right. There are many generation of spanking with more good than bad children – I came from a family of three and we all got spank – we all went to college and have good jobs now.

          • This is certainly a hot topic. From our viewpoint, traumatized kids and hitting are not a good fit. They don’t ever see it as loving discipline.
            Julie recently posted..Grandparents: Vital Part of ParentingMy Profile

  2. Amanda –

    James Lehman does NOT recommend “negotiating” with children. Please use the program before commenting.

    • @alia: Alia… I think you read Amanda’s comment out of context. She is anti-negotiating. She said her mother did not use negotiation. In the end she stated that she held her mother in “highest esteem” more-so (ie.. more than) kids whom were reasoned with or negotiated with. In other words that she respects her mother more than a child who has seen a parent as an equal. That parents run the household not the children. Please don’t take this comment negative. I just mean to point out the positive. She is among us few mothers who will not barter and bargain with a child to get them to do what is right.

  3. I do not think there is any harm in this product. I have seen so many negative remarks about it from people that have not used the program. Not from this page, but others. If any parent wants to spend the money to try to learn how to be a better parent, then fine, let them. Yes, obviously alot of parents lack the parenting skills they need. This program is to help them learn how to contol their childs behavior, and benefit the child in the end. It cost less than 4 or 5 therapy sessions with most psychiatrist prices. There is a particular child I am referencing that is out of hand. The mother cannot control him. No one can. He is direspectful and going down a bad path. He is only 10 and getting suspended from school frequently. This program can help the mother learn some ways to handle him. The boy is a family member of mine and we are currently using the program. No one is forcing you to spend the money on it. So quit dogging it if you know nothing about it. Maybe you are a great parent without it and don’t need it. That is great, God bless you. But others need the help and the tools. To anyone that it has helped change their family, I am am thankful.

  4. Of course, you have to commit to the program and follow through for it to work though. It is not magical. But I think spending the $300.00 helps parents commit to using the program. They do not want their money to be wasted. It is alot easier to buy a book for $25 and throw it aside never getting the chance to read it. And never following through, changing nothing. I paid for this program for my family member, and I’ll be damned if she is going to throw is aside and never use it for her son’s behavior. She also feels more obligated to make the difference for that reason and put in the effort she has been lacking. I think it has made a difference and we are not very far into it. All I can do is pray that is continues to help parents in need of help.

  5. ross tardif says:

    I Actually work for legacy publishing and sell the total transformation program and if anyone says its a scam or not a good program u r crazy we just won the best product of 2010 award and I work in a room full of real testimonials and still get more on a daily bases. If u want more info about the program it’s Redford well worth the 300 which u get back after the survey anyway

  6. ross tardif says:

    Sorry didn’t mean Redford mentioned definitely and the award was given by ptpamedia.com if u want proof

  7. Momma of 4 says:

    I think any program that teaches thinking; reasoning over violence, threats; control is worthwhile. I have the program; am here to say that if u have the follow through it will help you to deal with your children; make you see that there is a psychological advantage to being a teacher and caring consultant in your own home. That is what we all want as parents. To have closeness; care; respect in the home that extends through the child out into the street. I have the respect now; that I did it without smacking my rowdy kids is all just a beautiful thing. 🙂

  8. eric wyatt says:

    haha if its sold via infomercial at 2 am, its GOT to be good! right? come on people… have just a little common sense. ALL children have episodes of unacceptable behavior– its just a normal (unpleasant, but normal) part of this epic process known as “growing up”.
    99% of the time, all thats required to effectively deal with these episodes is patience, understanding, firmness, and love. for the 1% of cases that involving children with TRUE behavioral disabilities, the parent will need help that is well beyond the scope of this $300 “parenting guide”.

    • @eric wyatt: Single, no kids, Eric, or are your children all prize winners? It’s certainly easy to judge someone else when you aren’t in the trenches….

    • @eric wyatt:

      So you have never dealt with a child diagnosed with ODD? My guess is no. When you have done everything possible, therapy, meds, tried on your own to change the way you parent one child in comparison to your other children, you are at your wits end. You are rude and hurtfull to those of us who are just looking for a better life for our children. It pains me everyday that my daughter hurts the way she does and there is nothing that I can do for her other than afirm how much I love her. If this program can help in anyway it is worth the money!! You should really think before you type!!

      • If there’s a program out there that can help bring peace & calm into a house where ADHD/ODD/BI-POLAR disorder lives inside the tiny body of one 10 year old , who knows right from wrong, is very loving and compassionate, wants to please & learn and only asks to be loved, but CANNOT stop a melt down once its started, (AND we cannot always perceive the trigger), then starts beating himself up, AND then wishes for death…. YES DEATH!!, after an episode, I’d mortgage my damned house to get it… His parents are stretched to the max. his mother is on verge of breakdown from trying to find a fix.. There are consequences for the bad behavior, They are totally consistent with it. and he knows it, HE help draw up his chart, (as was suggested by his psych therapist, who just wants to keep adding MORE drugs into a little body that should not need them, without anything near success or control..). Don’t sit on your sanctimonious throne, all high and mighty about it’s the parents fault.. My children were raised by strict discipline and raise their children with discipline… But, I am not talking about a case as simple as unruly kids or ill manners, or mouthy teenagers in a hormonal rage…. no child should have to live on 5 drugs at once TWICE a day , and one of them a sleeping tablet, just to get through 12 hours.DAY & NIGHT!!.. and the sleep tab (which is also given for behaviors), only lets him sleep from 9p to somewhere between 4 & 6a…… On a good night…. I am sorry for the length of this, but, it irks the crap out of me that the holier than thou sit and deem what is wrong with other parents children, without the benefit of knowing crap about them!!

        • How chaotic life sounds for this family. Have they tried any other counseling besides psych therapists? I would start with the checklist “Does my child have Reactive Attachment Disorder. Read all you can on here and look up Attachment.org and Therapeutic parenting as excellent resources. The parents need intervention now as does the 10 year old. Thank you for advocating for them.
          Julie recently posted..Holidays SchmolidaysMy Profile

  9. eric wyatt says:

    “awaiting moderation” huh? ok, i see..

    • @eric wyatt: Eric, I understand the occasional tantrums. The phases that children will need to go through and such. I have 4 children. This program is not for typical “normal” children. It is for children who are constantly defiant. It is very trying on a parent to love someone unconditionally but challenges your parenting 24/7. One of my four children is going through this not so normal acting out. It is not random acts. It has been going on since September of 2010. I have been seeking counseling, anger management, speech therapy, and more trying to find the root of the problem. But when a child is physically violent to other children and siblings to the point your afraid to leave them in a room together alone…. this is not a simple phase. I use to think it was poor parenting that was the reason for out of control children in public. And for the most part I still believe that. But I now know that is not the reason all of the time. I even get embarrassed to go out in public for fear of being held accountable for my one child’s actions. I know I am a good mother, but my one child is for a lack of better words…. out of control. I am still seeking a solution for these issues. I am currently looking into this program after seeing it on the 700 Club today. Seems reputable especially with the samples I have listened to online.

  10. Kris Dickinson says:

    I would really love to try this program but I just cant afford it. I dont have $10 right now let alone $330. After everything Ive read, I think it would help my son. He is 14, argumentative, over emotional, verbally abusive, thinks nothing is his fault and on top of it he has Type 1 Diabetes. When his blood sugars are high, his behavior gets worse. And trying to keep it under control during puberty is very hard. He was also Dx w/ ODD about 3 yrs ago, right before he was Dx w/ Diabetes. Im gonna have to try counseling for now – its covered by his MA – but I hope at some point Ill be able to get this program. Good luck to you all. 🙂

  11. Melinda Landon says:

    Hi, I am in the same situation as you are. No money and I am looking at this program for my 13 year old son who also has Type 1 diabetes. Your right and not alone. When my son’s numbers are high it is even worse. I totally understand. would love to talk with you more. Melinda
    @Kris Dickinson:

  12. Hi Melinda, right now they have a deal going on where you can get it for free, by taking a survey when you get done with each chapter. You do have to pay for it up front, but they refund you the money when you get done.

  13. joseph ullman says:

    a scam huh…let me tell you, as a physician who is amused and up to his ears in nonsensical acronyms and adult apologetic for obnoxious kids, this guy is just about the only thing I’ve seen that makes sense (along with another brilliant book “BackTalk”. I own it, and frankly, this guy needs to be listened to. Is he right 100% of the time? maybe not. Who is. But for enabling parents, parents who’re just unable to contain their kids, who’ve given up, who’ve lost the battle to public media and entertainment, this is a start. Well worth it, and well worth buying it

  14. They have a new offer – if you get the program and fill out their survey and return it within 90 days, you keep the program FREE…

    • When I go to the website, there is a disclaimer that says the system is free for parents with boys with ODD, it does not say it is for anyone who fills out the survey. Which is it, free or not for everyone who does a survey?

  15. I am so frustrated with my 15 year old son that I just want to pack my bags and never come back. Can’t do it though. I love him to death but he is off somewhere in that head of his. I’ve blamed myself for so long and have gotten to the point that when I reflect on the past I am quite confident that it is in fact NOT me. He is just off in the head somehow. I hate it sooo much for him. I want him to live a happy, fulfilling life. I so badly want to buy this program but, I just gotta ask…if you’re gonna get all that money back in the end, then why pay it to begin with???? I just dont get it. Sure hope someone’s got the answer to this.

    • It is my understanding that you have to complete a survey as you go through the program in order to get your money back.

  16. Sheila Atchison says:

    I agree with Joseph Ullman, the physician who commented previously.
    I’ve worked in healthcare for over 30 years, and dealt with significant behavioral issues regularly.

    I have not purchased the video, but I was very impressed with Mr. Lehman’s common sense approach, that gives parents “permission” to teach children the most important lesson for a successful life—- personal responsibility; thereby relieving the parent’s guilt, uncertainty, and removing the ego, which is what causes most parenting plans to fail.

    Children learn life skills when they have a parent that is consistent, setting clear boundaries, and enforcing them. The worst thing a parent can do is give in to a child because they fear disapproval and want to be liked. A child may “like” you, but they won’t have a parent they know they can depend on and respect. Much, much more easily said than done. One of the most difficult things in life is the “love/hate relationship this creates. People who have close, healthy relationships with parents, often grieve less when they die, than people who have more distant, ambivalent relationships with unresolved issues.

    In Amanda Jackson’s comments about her mother, who she obviously loves and respects very much, she eschews the notion of parents needing to learn “skills”. However, it is obvious her mother was very skilled. A parent does not automatically gain authority,(and won’t NEED to impose it) or the love and respect she obviously commanded, without being extremely skilled as a parent. She just had an approach that is not currently embraced by most parents.

    Make no mistake, Mr. Lehman’s program is exactly about allowing the parents to learn skills and gain confidence, using the wisdom and tools of a streetwise kid, with the support of a deceptively simple approach.

    I really feel for parents. It is the hardest and most important job in the world. Anybody who thinks behavior issues, are mostly “episodic”, and easily cured with love, patience, understanding, etc. etc, may need to consider why they did not become a parent, so they could impart all that wisdom on their own lucky children. Sorry, Eric, but I think you would be summarily “eaten alive” by a two year old.

  17. Stephanie says:

    My husband heard an ad on the radio for this program and thought it would be a good thing for us to check out for our daughter and how we can be “better” parents with her. She’s young, still a pre-schooler, so I don’t know if a program like this is worth the while for us at this stage of her development. Any thoughts?

  18. It’s always good to learn parenting tips and tools, right? Total Transformation is geared for the out-of-control child, in my opinion, but it’s basically good parenting training. It teaches you to teach your children to problem solve so they don’t act out, hit, yell, or whatever to solve their problems.

  19. Sheila Atchison says:

    Addendum to July 19 Comment:

    To be clear, I am not an advocate of spanking or physical punishment of any kind.

    As I said in my previous comment, consistency is the key. Consequences for behavior are absolutely necessary for children to develop the part of the brain that connects the two, and learn understand the relationship between them. Fear of physical punishment is unnecessary to control behavior.

    What I intended to point out was how Amanda dismissed the need for skilled parents, and then went on to describe all her mother’s skills. If the outcome is as she described, with her brothers and sisters being well-adjusted people who love and respect their mother, I suspect the spanking was not severe corporal punishment, but a consistent consequence, and any consequence that is relevant, administered in a way that makes sense, and consistent would probably work as well.

  20. Stephanie says:

    I’m in the childcare field and currently work with kids ages 4 and 5 (Pre-K), I see alot of things at the daycare facility that don’t get addressed by my co-workers or the head teacher. Like for instance, during recess a little girl decided it was a good idea to put water in her shoes. Well, she threw a big fit when one of my co workers caught her in the act but all that happened was her gettting placed in a chair while she’s still kicking and screaming and throwing her shoes at the teacher. I thought surely the teacher would take her inside and call her parents so they could take her home but no according to some kind of policy at the daycare that is not allowed because it encourages negitive reinforcment (And I don’t agree with that to be honest) I can’t even give stickers as rewards there if the kids are sharing or playing nice with each other and not in some area of the classroom or the playground trying to kill each other because according to this same policy that encourages favoritism!
    MALARKY! that’s how I was taught! But obviously times have changed since 17 years ago when I was their age.
    You can’t even bring structure into this enviroment without a teacher or co worker blowing their horn about how it violates some kind of policy.

  21. I would like to add my two cents worth. When I was raising my children, I used spanking, as did my parents. But today, to spank is to have CPS (child protective services) beating on your door, intruding into your life, and sending you to parenting classes that advocate “self-esteem nurturing”, above discipline. Along with that nonsense, (call me a conspiracy theorist, if you wish), there is something else working against parents and children nowadays. Be it the additives in the food, chemicals in the water, or whatever the cause, children are becoming harder and harder to control. I am thinking that if Total Transformation would help a child in this crazy world, who should knock it?

  22. Why do folks have to get so insulting and mean with each other here? Why make your comments personal against one another? Hmmm… begs lots of questions. Anyway, there is nothing wrong for folks to use their critical thinking skills and question a product, especially one that is so costly. Also, the fact that a radiologist doctor, who works about 30 miles from the company HQs endorses the product doesn’t automatically make it a good product. I’d be more influenced by a pediatrician, a child psychiatrist, etc, who endorses a product. As a fraud investigator, I find it coincidental that he works so close to the company – begs the question of whether he has any ties to the company – a family member on the staff, is he on the staff, etc. Regardless, it seems to me there are other less costly options, such as going to your library to read up on behavior modification, seeking professional counseling, etc. But, if you choose to spend the $300 plus, fine, but just don’t be so critical of each other here… be nice. 🙂

    • @david: David I agee with you. I think that the reactions some of these people are having to each other’s comments do pose some questions about their own behavioral competence. I think that insulting one another says alot about how they solve problems and possibly how they parent. I think that this program is interesting and as an educator of young children, I do wonder about how it might work in the classroom. As a parent myself I do believe that spanking is okay. I believe in other forms of discipline as well. I do not think that screaming works or using the same discipline tactics each time works either. I think hat the “punishment should fit the crime”. However when in the classroom, I cannot use spanking as a form of discipline. Even speaking firmly is difficult with children who are not used to that kind of communication from their own parent and it may frighten them. There should be a program for teachers on how to deal with over obsessive parents who make the child’s transition into the care of others more difficult by nuturing their anxieties with more of their own personal separation anxiety. It’s like the parents are just as afraid as the children and don’t trust us and so it makes it all the more harder to help the child. I understand concerns from parents because I am a parent but what I think is a problem is when the parents cry with the child and give in to keeping them at home or autimatically assume that their child is being mistreated and the teacher must be doing something to make them not want to come to school.

  23. Well….I’ve been reading through these comments and haven’t run across the problem my husband and I face EVERYDAY, Grandparents raising grandkids who come with all kinds of issues. We’ve had a child with us since the age of 8, now 14 and getting more defiant, angry, manipulative, etc..as the days go by. We have tried everything we know of…including, time out, groundings, taking items from them, going to several difference kinds of counselors…and we have unfortunately gotten the courts involved. Now we have a juvenile probation officer in the mix…to no avale. We are at our wits end….everything has backfired on us and we are desperate. She will not follow a single rule….even simple things…you can talk until you are blue in the face….she then turns and does what she wants. Her excuse is…well,” I’m not sexually active and not on drugs”….I guess that makes the misbehavior and disrespect ok in her eyes…. She is a good person at heart….and of course anywhere else she is an angel and can’t do enough to help other people….but not us. We’ve turned our lives upside down to hopefully give her a better life and chance for a future. Any ideas???

  24. kristin dawson says:

    Sandee, It really seems like you are having a difficult time and I hope that you can take a moment to hear some praise for your actions and really feel the respect for your efforts – if even from a stranger. I have friends whose parents abandoned them to grand-parents – Mainly because the parents were not able to take care of themselves, much less a child. My friends who were being raised by thier grandparents struggled A LOT with feelings of abandonment …and lets face it – even with a grandparent stepping up to take care of them- they were still left to wonder why Mom and Dad didnt love them enough to do whatever it took to keep them together as a family. They felt a hole in thier hearts that turned to anger, mistrust, fear and self loathing. Its impossible to explain to most caring, logical adults why a parent would ever choose ANYthing over thier own child …much less to explain this in a way that makes sense to the child being left behind. And so my friends did what any person who is fearful, confused, angry and questioning if they are worth love would do – they turned themselves against the world as they perceived the world was against them. They turned against thier grand parents, for fear that they TOO would abandon them, they turned against themselves. They struggled for many years to understand that the world if full of equal parts suffering and love, because they found out so early in thier lives about the suffering part and not about the love part. They saw thier parents come and go, in and out of rehab, there for Christmas one year, not the next. They visited them in jail. They heard the promises over and over that things were gonna change. And thier grandparents stood by them….there were fights, tears, anger, questions, running away, almost givingup, almost giving into anger. But they stood by them. Im really impressed that you have taken the step to stand by your grandaughter as she goes thru this time of such personal change and turmoil. My friends still struggle to come to terms with the fact that thier parents simply werent able to or capable of taking care of them and that is why they were raised by their grand parents. I admire thier grandparents for taking on the WHOLE responsibility of being a parent – meaning, if your child is unable to care for thier child, you dont just walk away and say “they are on thier own – Im DONE raising MY children”. Ive seen that too, sadly.

  25. I am the mother of a 13 year old daughter. I am considering using this program; everything else I have tried has failed me up to this point in trying to get through to her. She has always been a straight A student and never had trouble at school until this year; now her grades have dropped and has been in trouble quite a few times at school this year. Her father and I divorced a few years ago and I recently remarried. We have 5 children total and we expect to have respect from all of them. With my daughter we were more lenient with her so that she would want to be here with us; about 2 weeks ago she and I had an altercation over her phone and she got into my face like a grown woman. She said that she did not want to be here and moved back to her dad’s house. We have not spoken since the incident except for her calling and telling me her grades and then said she had to go. This is a hard situation because I lover her and want her with me; just not her attitude. I am wondering if this program will help me to get her back under control as far as her attitude towards me, my husband and her siblings?

    • Parenting is sure challenging isn’t it? I find that I would never want to say I didn’t try everything I could to best parent my kids. That being said, I would recommend this program because it has worked for me and my kids.

  26. The program is not free!

  27. Kids r not a “one size fit all” when it cones to discipline. What works for one parent may not work for another. That does not mean spanking is wrong or “reasoning” with ur child wont either…its trial n error to see what form of discipline works gor each child..


    Be careful with this program. It is very intense. There is a subscribtion for $49.00 a month, that you need to call and cancel or it keeps being charged to your credit card. They are very strict on the dates. There is no room to budge. I returned mine 7 days late, and no refund. I thought by date received not the date they shipped it.
    I did get some good ideas, but not worth all the money. Which is my fault for not returning on time. So be careful – when you sign up for this program, it is very time consuming.

    • MarySue – I checked into this for you and when you ordered the program, you also signed up for the subscription for the help line. That is the $49 and you are right it needed to be cancelled separately from returning the survey.
      I do have to admit that at first I was overwhelmed too with the program. However, when I decided to just start with the Quickstart Tips, I realized I could do this. Then I bit off a chapter at a time, listening to the CD in my car to reinforce the ideas that I was going to implement into my parenting. And that is the other thing, be open to using only what you need. This program is designed to address as many parenting situations as possible. So go into doing it knowing that you are only going to use what you need (and maybe later on you will need something different from it, and the beauty is you have it and can listen to it again to get that info). Thanks for checking in!
      Keep up the awesome parenting!
      Julie recently posted..Grandparents: Vital Part of ParentingMy Profile

  29. Sue njoroge says:

    There should be a way to access this programme. I so wish I could get it. My son just turned 13 & it would be an understatement to say that ‘it has not been easy’. Accessing it seems like such a faraway dream … being African in Africa …

    • Hey,

      For anyone who can’t afford the Total Transformation tapes. check with your local Children and family services in your area. They may loan it out as does our local Foster Family parenting group does. Hope this helps:)

Speak Your Mind


CommentLuv badge

Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

Affiliate links may be used within this post for products we recommend. They in no way affect our judgment of said products, nor do they affect the price of the product.
Your privacy will always be protected