January 23, 2018

How was Christmas?

ChristmasWell, how did Christmas go for you and your kids? No, not the “ it was fine – food, presents and family”, you know the pat answer. Let’s be real – how did you fare with the family part?

Up to a few years ago, I thought Christmas was chaotic and crazy because that was normal. WRONG! Three years back, a very close family member told me that my kids were rude and out of control. I was shocked and hurt actually. Now some of this has to do with my issues at family functions but that will be for another article.  And some of this has to do with my RAD kids not being able to handle holidays, or anything out of the norm for that matter, which I have since learned.  Once I knew that, my husband and I decided we better find out if we can do something about this – duh!

What we did:

  1. Expected respect for each other. No overtalking, mean teasing, or mindless babbling! We let them know right from the get go , we had pockets full of mouth hugs and jumping jacks to get the brain shifted out of the fight and flight so they could relax and enjoy themselves.
  2. Gave them a head’s up when we were going to do something. Now this trick doesn’t work with RAD kids until there has been some healing, in fact it will backfire if used too soon. But down this road a bit and the kids a bit older, giving them this information made them feel involved and trusted. It resulted in less power struggles and more enjoyable family outings.
  3. Kept the schedule easy flowing. This was a bonus! Due to extended family logistics in coming for Christmas and a few conscious decisions to cut out a some activities, this year was definitely low key. And the reward was a calmer house and holiday! Definitely going to keep that in our plan!

Last year, we started this and notice a slight difference. This year wins the award for Much Improved! Oh and the family member who pointed out the problems, I have since admitted to them they were right and thanked them for helping our family get healthy!

Do you have RAD kids? For many more ideas, tools, and techniques make sure to check out When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas. This is the most important book you can buy, and it’s only about $12. Get one today!

About the author: By

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Parenting Allies website.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

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