With parents, because of my kiddos who have reactive attachment disorder, I try to stay away from the blame game. Such as this child is misbehaving because there are no effective parenting styles in that house. I find that this is neither productive nor kind.
This being said – it is important as parents to be examining our parenting styles to be sure that they are effective. Ineffective parenting roles do not promote change. It is also proven that they are a result of a parents not learning how to be a the kind of parent their child needs. Again, with my RADs, I had to first learn what my parenting style was. Here are a few examples:
Authoritative/Affirmative: these parents set clear limits and enforce limits and consequences. An authoritative parent is engaged, caring, and devoted. There is an emotional connection with expectations. In general, these children tend to thrive, being successful both academically and socially.
Liberal/Permissive: these are loving parents who set fewer limits. They often want to be seen as “friend” and believe in letting children make their own mistakes, but don’t follow through to help children learn from and correct mistakes.
n general, these children succeed academically and socially, but are more inclined to be involved in drugs, alcohol and sex. Read article.
As you can see, effective parenting styles can make a difference on how your child matures. The following video explicitly explains how each parenting style manifests itself in children’s behaviors.
Once I determined my parenting style, then I wanted to learn what skills I need to be an effective parent for these kids. It could involve changing my parenting style all together or tweaking it in areas where I am not being effective. For example – if I am indulgent, I must not make excuses for my child’s behavior and be supportive of the authority figures in their life. This most often includes my spouse!
Learning effective parenting styles may be uncomfortable at first for you. And I promise you, the change will be frustrating for your child. But aren’t most positive things worth the hard work! Like if you agree!