January 23, 2018

Does your child refuse the consequences?

I went to a training this last week put on by Nancy Thomas locally. It was an excellent opportunity that I couldn’t pass on and I am glad I went. I found as always answers to my questions that I didn’t even know I had until someone else asked them. And one I want to share with you now.

You know how when your kiddo needs a consequence the first time (not the 31st!)? Well, that’s all fine and good until they refuse. Like if they keep tipping in their chair at dinner and you tell them to give you the chair and they look at you with their ever so sweet, NO WAY look, then what?! Here’s what – you have 3 SECONDS before their brain shifts to flight/fright/freeze mode. So you say to them quickly – “Don’t do it now. Just rest: stand, sit, lay down, kneel”. And then move away. If they stomp to the corner, great place for them to rest (they listened as they are standing!) and tell them so, if they slam back down in the chair, again great place for resting (sitting).

Next you go have some fun with the other kids and your spouse (if possible). Dance to some music in the living room. Play freeze tag outside or shoot hoops, play a board game with lots of laughing. The goal is for the kiddo to shift and calm down. You will eventually (I know, hopefully sooner than later) get the chair and they can move on. They may choose however long they want to wait, so feed them a sandwich and milk at their resting spot if they go through mealtime.  And put them to bed in their room at night. Just ask them to let you know when they are ready to give you the chair.

It works. I know, I have already had to try it!

Looking for help with your RAD kiddo? Nancy Thomas gives all the answers in her book When Love Is Not Enough. If you’ve got a child that you suspect has RAD, you must get this book!

Want to interact with other parents? Our parents forum is a great place to do that! Check it out today!

About the author: By

Julie is an awesome parent (along with her husband Matt) to five adopted kiddos and the owner of the Parenting Allies website.

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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

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