January 23, 2018

Children and Divorce

Children & DivorceThe topic of divorce is a sore subject.  Today many families are a mix of children from each spouse’s previous marriage and children they’ve had together.  Are you one of those families?  This is all around us, and different people are dealing with it in different ways.  Are you a step parent?  Have you been a step child?

My experiences growing up with divorced parents were ugly at best.  My view of step parents and even my own biological parents was tainted by the heartache they imparted on me and my siblings.  No child makes it through a divorce unscathed in some way, but the scars we received were sure to stick around for a long time.  So with all of this gloomy experience delivered by my parents’ divorce, there is something bright that I want to write about:  I want to tell  you about a real situation that I have been fortunate enough to encounter.

Nine years ago I was introduced to some people who were divorced but had two children together.  Both were remarried to different spouses.  There was no contention between them, and they commonly got together for family activities to include the kids.  The ex-husband was invited with his new wife into the home of the ex-wife and her spouse for Thanksgiving and Christmas festivities.  They all went out to eat together for birthdays and other special occasions.  The children’s step father was an amazingly nice man, and very good to them as well as to their real father.  There was no backstabbing or jealousy.  There was respect.  I had never in my life seen something like this. These were genuine people behaving in a mature and caring way.  I was blown way.

Nine years ago I was fortunate enough to have met the “ex-husband”.  I was surprised to be a part of a caring family environment.  These people have become our son’s godparents. We have spent Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays, Mother’s Days, Father’s Days, Fourth of Julys, baptisms, and graduations together.  Every occasion has been a good time.

When our son was born, they showed up at the hospital with gifts and good wishes.  I was shocked.  But it was so nice!

In my experiences growing up, this never would have happened.  In fact, the destructive behaviors of all adults involved rack my soul even today.  Its a topic for another time.

That’s why I was so surprised when I met my husband.  Anyone who could be a participant in this way of doing things had to be good!

What kind of experiences have you had?  What can you share about your experiences that may help broaden our sense of how to cope with separation and divorce?  I know I would love to hear about them, and I’m sure others would too!

Need some parenting help?

One tool that we’ve used is Total Transformation by James Lehman. It’s given us a lot of solid, common sense ideas for parenting our challenging children.

About the author: By

Kris is wife to Robert and mom to Gabriel, a wonderful little boy. She enjoys animals, especially horses, and likes to write about children, pets, and other things close to her heart!

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Comments

  1. In every family it was always the children who really got affected in every decisions made by the parents either good or bad. My parents got separated also and I’m not lucky with my stepmom. I can say that I am not really affected with the situation because my mom was so great and love us so much.
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Disclaimer: We are not psychologists, counselors, or therapists. We are parents of children with special challenges, and the techniques, tools, and programs we recommend on this website have worked for us on our parenting journey.

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