Most of us had visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads when we adopted our kiddos. For some of us, it didn’t take too many Christmases to realize that these young lovelies had different ideas of celebrating the holidays.
School = trauma. Playing with friends = trauma. Sleeping = trauma. Holidays = trauma. LOVE = trauma. What?! That’s right, loving for them is not safe. And anything that represents love has to be pushed away at least, sabotaged at middle, and destroyed at best. It just hurts way too bad.
Jen Hatmaker wrote a fantastic article on just what life in an adopted home can look like. Is this the norm? If you use the scale above, probably more often than not sadly.
Now don’t misread me. This isn’t a
death sentence, this is a reality check. We can only be the best parents for these kiddos, when we step out of fairyland and try to understand life from their viewpoint. And then you can make holidays something that they can hopefully handle.
I have several friends that chose to make any celebrations (birthdays, graduations, Christmas) low key. Especially as they are working with their lovelies towards healing and trust. (There is the rub of other children in the home who want to celebrate as “normal” families do – but that is for another article. I just didn’t want to dismiss its validity.)
Don’t give up on the great ideals you had when adopting these kiddos. Just remember the “ideal” is the goal, the route to it has many different ways.